The Naming of Things

2009-11-23T23:32:00.001-08:00

today i went to the fabric store. i bought fabric, for secret things (sshhhhh! you can't know until christmas!) and, really enjoyed it.

on my way back, on the bus from the mission to the "tender nob," as my neighborhood is sometimes so uncomfortably called, i had such a pleasant experience sharing a space with the people who were on the bus.

first, as i was waiting for the bus, the man sitting near me said, "man, it's cold isn't it?" this was ridiculous because the sun was coming down (it's always sunny in the mission) and it was very warm. i said, "no, it's warm! i like it!" and he said, "i just wanted to see what kind of personality you were! it is warm, and i like it too!" he struck me as a little odd, though pleasant, but i didn't sit near him on the bus since he snuck on the back anyways.

i sat in down near the front, and another young lady my age gets on and sits next to me. i thought she had spoken to me, but she was speaking to another lady, saying "you too!" when wished a happy thanksgiving. we smiled, and i continued reading a blog post about making thigns out of fabric (and i can't tell you what kind of things because i would give away what someone is getting for christmas!). i shared a smile with the thanksgiving lady, across from me, when the baby at the front of the bus cried incessantly and we all felt bad for her, and for her mother. i shared a laugh and a short conversation about teething with the girl next to me when the older mexican men sitting across from the baby stared clapping to try to distract her from her own crying.

i was very glad that, even when she was on the phone, she said goodbye as she was getting off the bus, and that the thanksgiving lady gave me a lovely grin as i exited the bus myself, as did another older gentleman.

that was one jolly bus ride. it reminds me of how much i really like people.

I know, I know.

2009-11-18T20:52:00.000-08:00

I can hear you all now.

Erin never blogs anymore.

All four of you are sad.

------------------------------

I'll give you quick highlights, I guess, since it's been so long. I've started keeping a journal. I agonized for about 27 minutes about which notebook to pick. [Green. Lies flat. Lined. Smooth, thick pages. Letter sized.] So it's not super awesome yet, but it might be something super awesome. Just writing.

One of my favorite neighborhoods is the Mission. Great book stores [Dog Eared Books. Modern Times.], delicious burritos [Paplote. El Castillito. Los Jarritos], interesting community centers [826 Valencia.], tasty coffe [Ritual.], and clever little shops [Her Majesty's Secret Beekeeper.]. I go there a lot.

There is a man, Dr. Francis Rigney, whose mother founded Raphael House [and, before that, the American Cancer Society.], who often comes for dinner. For a while, he was Jack Kerouac's psychiatrist. He knew all the beat guys. So that would be a cool thing, if I thought Kerouac was cool. Actually, it's kind of cool anyway.

I like my work. I like the people. I'm trying to find a church...supposedly there are lots of Orthodox people in San Francisco but the only ones who are my age already live with me...so...

That's life right now. My project for myself, or really the project that Zak gave me, is to mull over the idea of community and how we can implement this into Raphael House currently. So more to come, I suppose.

- E

B to the O-M-B

2009-09-05T22:49:00.000-07:00

Okay, you birds. I have finally sat down at a real computer. For some inexplicable reason I feel a bit like Doogie Howser. That's probably because I am saying all of these words I am writing in my head as if I were doing a voice-over. It's also because I wish I had a soundtrack to my life as awesome as that opening song was.

Okay, you birds. So I am in San Francisco now. I got here on Monday after having spend a nice weekend with a going away party, sleeping a lot at my grandparents', seeing my baby cousin Aiden, and going to St. Seraphim's (and then a BBQ at Fr. Lawrence's - awesome!). I've settled in fairly well. There are three other girls who live with me who are interns, and one who is a paid staff member. There are also other men and women who live on the third floor of the house. I will have two more roommates soon, that is, if the elusive "Rachel" ever makes an appearance.

So far my work here has been just filling in where needed. Yesterday (Friday), I started working in ChildReach by cleaning and sorting out clothing donations, which included a shirt with artwork incorporating fallopian tubes. That got donated to the GoodWill. The cool thing about this program is that I get to go on field trips with the kids! I might be going to the Giants/Dodgers game next Sunday, and I will be going with my co-worker (supervisor?) David to Angel Island with the kids.

The other big chunk of my work here will be assisting with case work and "working the floor," as it's called. I am not so sure exactly what the latter entails. That's what I'll be learning this next week. I've already sat in on a case review meeting, which was very interesting. I'm hoping that I will be able to take on work with the case managers. If not, there will of course be plenty of other things to do around here!

Besides living in this amazing place with some pretty awesome people (cooks! directors! families! interns! Darlene the front desk lady!), I get to live in an amazing city. Don't get me wrong, this city is (forgive me) bat-shit crazy. But it's awesome. In the last few days I've gotten to see a few different parts. I went to the Mission last night, which is full of hipsters. I laughed at them, secretly wanted to be one, and then laugehd at them some more. In some ways, the lifestyle is appealing, until you realize that it's just another case of the gluttonous monster Capitalism subsuming everything society produces, even counter-culture. But I digress. I went with a girl named Sarah, and we hit up this cafe which was cool, because I could get a nice beer without having to go to a bar. I also have been down to Union Square a few times now. There is a Muni/Bart station there, as well as a hotel with a bomb glass elevator. I mean bomb in the way that it's way cool, not that it blows up when you reach the top or anything. I've also hit up Civic Center, which is where the library is (I only checked out 6 books yesterday...) and I saw Gavin Newsom. Which was weird.

Today I went to Ocean Beach, and we explored a little bit the "ruins" of the Sutro Baths. It was strange, because at first we didn't know what they were (we being myself and Lucia), but we recognized them as resembling ancient ruins, and she suggested that there were baths here. I wasn't so sure, but some "research" at the Cliffhouse gift store revealed the former existence of the Sutro Baths. Also, apparently, San Francisco has been home to some pretty bomb World's Fairs. I mean bomb in the way that it's way cool, not that it blows up when it's over or anything.

I have yet to have any crazy adventures, although today as I was riding back from church on the bus a person got on. At first I noticed the headgear - a flowery swim cap. Then I noticed that this lady was pantless. Then I noticed this lady had hairy legs. Then I noticed this lady was not a lady, but a man, wearing briefs and a T-shirt and makeup and high heels. Then about three stops up this person gets on the bus again. Then I realize that this is not the same person, but another person dressed exactly like the first person.

This is very long, so I apologize. But this city is pretty bomb. I mean bomb in the way that it's way cool, not that it blows up or anything.

Follow me.

2009-09-03T19:23:00.000-07:00

I know this is so lame.

But I have started to blog at tumblr.

http://erinbernard.tumblr.com/

I can blog from my phone, which is nice. But mroe substantial text updates will be here. Update your RSS feeds accordingly (ha. ha. ha.)

I love you all.

Sister Golden Hair

2009-08-28T09:57:00.001-07:00

This song is. Amazing.

+ Memory Eternal

2009-08-27T13:28:00.001-07:00

From Father Josiah:

ARCHIMANDRITE SYMEON, 82, of the Monastery of St John the Baptist in Tolleshunt Knights, Essex, in the U.K., reposed late in the night of last Thursday, August 20th. Father Symeon was one of the original four monastics who came with Elder Sophrony (Sakharov) from France to England in 1959 to found the monastery. Father Symeon’s funeral on Saturday afternoon, likened to “another Pascha,” lasted over four hours due to the large number of faithful – many being his own spiritual children – who came to kiss his hand a final time before he was laid to rest near his spiritual father, Elder Sophrony, in the crypt of the monastery’s funerary church of All Saints.

Father Symeon, right, with Elder Sophrony

I had the distinct pleasure of meeting Father Symeon in January of 2007 when I visited the Monastery of St. John for the first time with Pres. Catherine and the girls (and baby Garet). I didn't speak with him much, except for he was telling us a story once, while giving us a tour. He showed us his office where he meets with/confesses people. The man had life in his eyes, even if then he was 79 or so.

The photograph below is from the Paschal procession at St. John in 2008. Father Symeon is holding the icon with Father Z, standing on the right.

With the spirits of the righteous made perfect, grant rest also to the souls of thy servant, O Savior, and preserve him in that life of blessedness which is with thee, O Thou who lovest mankind.

sing the song, don't be long,

2009-08-25T23:37:00.000-07:00

So I picked up this album today at Red Planet Records down on Indiana (What happened to CD World?). The place was chock full of classic, and I mean classic, records. Tons of the Beatles. Of course, some twit had to write his name all over Hard Day's Night, not that I was going to buy i anyway. I bought Revolver, for no particular reason.

But I digress. So I picked up this album, and to be honest, it is only because I love "Suite: Judy Blue Eyes." It's a classic song, but it most recently sparked my interest late one night as I was driving back to Riverside from Palm Desert this summer.

I have to say, there is something about the photograph, the whole set up of the album art that I really love. The dilapidated house, the blue shutters, the torn up couch that probably used to be quite a beautiful piece of furniture, the palm tree peeking out on the left side there...and the mailbox.

Below is another photograph from the same time. I like the more vivid colors, the change in details, and the fact that Nash is not looking at the camera. I like his style...

I also picked up another album for my Simon and Garfunkel collection, Bookends and then a copy of Paul Simon's Still Crazy After All These Years, and some Dire Straits and two Fleetwood Mac albums. So even though they'll be sitting on my shelf for the next year, it's nice to know they'll be here when I get back.

Timshel

2009-08-25T00:06:00.000-07:00

"Thou mayest rule over sin," Lee. That's it. I do not believe all men are destroyed. I can name you a dozen who were not, and they are the ones the world lives by. It is true of the spirit as it is true of battles--only the winners are remembered. Surely most men are destroyed, but there are others who like pillars of fire guide frightened men through the darkness. "Thou mayest, thou mayest!" What glory! It is true that we are weak and sick and quarrelsome, but if that is all we ever were, we would, milleniums ago, have disappeared from the face of the earth. A few remnants of fossilized jawbone, some broken teeth in strata of limestone, would be the only mark man would have left of his existence in the world. But the choice, Lee, the choice of winning!

--John Steinbeck, East of Eden

2009-08-24T22:10:00.000-07:00

Jordan and Bettina got married! Hooray!

Now to figure out what the hell is going on inside my own head. Hopefully I'll come back for a visit in November. Hopefully I'll come back in November more myself.

Today I Saw...

2009-08-24T09:53:00.001-07:00

From Today I Saw. Love it.

(Give and) Take Pictures.

2009-08-21T13:21:00.004-07:00

I am sure that I've mentioned this before, but my friend Scot's blog makes me so happy, not least because there are pictures of Riverside there.

This is Mission Inn Avenue downtown. Scot, Kat, and I walked from Coffee Depot all the way over past the Mission Inn. I gave a little history lesson. If anyone cared enough to take a guided historical tour of Riverside, I could give it. Scot and Kat were stopping through on their magnificent roadtrip all over America earlier this summer. There are pictures on the blog of all sorts of great places in our great country. You should go look at them. Seriously.

2009-08-21T01:45:00.001-07:00

People. Seriously. I don't know what's difficult about an RSVP.

I even made it easy for you. "Regrets only."

I can't believe I am still awake thinking about this.

Exactitude

2009-08-19T22:36:00.002-07:00

I.

On Sunday, I discovered that I had not returned my debit card safely to its pocket after closing out my tab the night before (don't worry, Dad, it was only two...over the course of a few hours...). I also discovered that I needed gas to get home to Riverside from La Mirada. I checked my wallet. Three dollars. I went in to the store to pay cash. "Three dollars on pump 11, please....oh and I have some change." "Just dump it all out!!" I had $4.33. This was exactly how much gasoline I needed to get back to my house.

II.

On Monday, I took my brother to the Wild Animal Park in Escondido. We stopped to get money out of the bank. Walking back to the car, I heard a junebug coming at me. Since I seriously dislike things flying at me, I hurried to get in. The junebug came after me, and started to fly into the car. I quickly closed the door. Right on the junebug.

III.
On Tuesday, I went to Coffee Depot and my tea cost $1.90. That is exactly how much I had in loose change in my wallet.

Blue is the only human color

2009-08-13T21:34:00.002-07:00

I really love Regina Spektor's music. She has a sense of melody that really resonates with me. She also has a sense of whimsy that is mostly just weird. I feel that up to now, most of her songs fall into either one category or the other. I love the whimsy, but when it crosses into weird ("Chemo Limo", for one) I can't abide it. But I feel like her new album Far really brings the two together in an amazing way.

This video is gorgeous, as is the song, "Eet":

This is a live performance of "Blue Lips" on a UK late night show. I love what she does with the rhythm and time signature on the refrain.

Scattered thoughts

2009-08-10T10:39:00.004-07:00

As I was driving somewhere, or home from somewhere (though I suppose home is a somewhere), I was thinking about a friend who has a very specific hurt in her life, which she has allowed me to see intimately. When I realized the depth of her pain, my sadness for her became deeper too.

I was talking with a new friend about eight months ago about her experiences living and working at an orphanage in Mexico, and the great empathy and care that the boys had for her when someone very close to her, but geographically distant, passed away. As she experienced this loss and grief and sadness, she said that the best thing anyone said to her was not "I know how you feel" or "I can sympathize," but "I am sad that you are sad."

I was also thinking about how it always seems that someone else has something we want. It's very hard when there is just one thing that you want more than anything else in your life, and it seems like everyone around you has it, but you don't. I mean, it's not like it's a new car (or an iPhone!) or something like that, but part of your life that you strive after, when you want something that is categorically a good thing and you don't have it. Just keep moving forward, I guess, and try not to think about it too much?

And I am very sad to be leaving Riverside. I am very happy to be going to San Francisco, but perhaps just Sunday I realized that I can't take everyone with me. I can't take St. Andrew's with me, I can't take my family or my closest friends or my goddaughter. Really, if I wanted to, I could stay. No one is making me go. I could stay and be very satisfied. But I'm going. I don't know what's going to happen, but I am pretty sure it's going to be awesome.

Just today I look at myself and my life and wish it could be different in 400 ways. I want to stay, but I need a change. That's probably really immature. I want change and stability simultaneously.

Okay too much ranting. Big life changes always seem to precipitate a pensive mood.

All our explorations

2009-07-30T23:33:00.002-07:00

I'm Erin.

I love Christine.

That's all for today.

P.S. . . . I don't know. GIGGLE.

-----------

All of this came from Christine's mouth not seven minutes ago. She wanted me to update my blog. Currently, I am sitting on Sophie's bed listening to her music. Which is also my music, because we like the same music. Kings of Convenience. Simon and Garfunkel. Ratatat. One of these things is not like the other. She's also into this band called The Dodos, which will be interesting to hear once we download it. We've been on an iTunes shopping spree, because we both have gift cards. Anyway. Christine is leaning on my arm and it's very pleasant. I like being near my friends, but of course this is not always the case. Because we are sometimes far away, and it makes me sad. But it's also my fault because I am the one who goes away. The truth of this fact is corroborated by Sophie, who has only been within 50 miles of me for like 4 days this summer. So whatever.

Christine is my only one true friend who has not ventured away. Hanson. They're coming to the House of Blues in Anaheim in a couple months. [Christine said this. I merely record what she says.]

She is mad that I don't blog on LiveJournal anymore. "Why the change?" she asks. Because, Christine. I am not 15 anymore. Because blogging on Google is so much superior. 'Why?" Because everyone else is doing it.

Oh, stream of consciousness. Kind of. I am really digging this music. Sophia is going to Hume tomorrow, and we will miss her. I am going to Disneyland tomorrow, and on Saturday.

Shantih Shantih Shantih.

Despair

2009-07-27T20:17:00.003-07:00

"Despair is the loss of consciousness that God wants to give us eternal life. The world is living in despair. People have condemned themselves to death. We must struggle resolutely against despondency."

Elder Sophrony (Sakharov) of Essex
Words of Life

Elder Sophrony

Romania (FINALLY!)

2009-06-27T22:44:00.007-07:00

Sometimes extroverts get the blues, too. Right now, I definitely have the blues. I just graduated from college, which is a great relief and anti-climax all at once. My closest friends live at least 30 miles away, which is ridiculously inconvenient. My social life in Riverside...well, let's just say that I've become really close with Clinton and Stacey. And I'm at home, writing this, on a Saturday night. It's an in-between season of life, which is necessary but extremely unsatisfying. So I went back and looked at pictures from Romania, which makes me happy. This is probably the happiest I've been in a while. So here are some pictures that I never posted. Maybe I did (I don't think I did though). Click them to make them bigger. In no particular order:

New friends in our new favorite living room.

After (during, really) Sunday liturgy at Holy Trinity. The church was packed! Can you tell how cold it is?

Us, on the bus from the airport to our temporary home. It was about 3 hours up winding mountain roads. Not unlike the roads upon which Jonathan Harker traveled. Perhaps even the self-same roads!

Jesse, myself, Adina, Ksenia, and Paul. Adina is blind, and a student at the only primary school for blind children in all of Romania. She's an amazing little girl.

At the Center for Social Integration, they love Americans, particularly ones from Dallas. Here, Matt & I demonstrate our enthusiasm for both America and Romania.

We spent our whole Tuesday doing this: scraping (lead-based?) paint off of the walls of the hallway at the Center for Social Integration. Things got pretty powdery. Some of the guys who live there helped us, like Adi in the green shirt.

On our last night with our new friends, we went to pizza. Here Lillian and I are eating and trying to converse with Nicu (short for Nicholai/Nicholas) and Florin, who runs the program for these guys. He grew up in orphanages, and when he had to leave upon adulthood he had no one to support him. He establish the Center for Social Integration for young men like him who need support so that they can finish their educations and become good members of society.

This is myself with Florin. He smiled like this THE WHOLE TIME we were there. I am sure he smiled like this THE WHOLE TIME we were not there. I am sure he is smiling like this RIGHT NOW, because he is full of love and joy.

This is Mihai. He became good friends with us, because he speaks a lot of English. He has a tender heart and a sly sense of humor, and took great pleasure in singing some good old Backstreet Boys for me.

Calin, Dany, and Adi. Dany and Adi are brothers, and Calin is great. This picture is from Thursday afternoon, when we went to play pool and go bowling with the guys instead of finishing the project. We intended to finish the project, but when we got there it was all done! They had stayed up into the wee hours of the morning finishing the small job we had left from the day before. So we all just hung out instead. :)

Dany. One of my favorites. I was really sad to say goodbye, and I said goodbye to him last. He IMed me the other day on Facebook, which kind of made my day. <3>

The view from Bran Castle. Beautiful, even it if was freezing cold.

Adi and I. He and Dany both love dancing. They were a lot of fun to spend time with, and even though they were unimpressed by my premium knowledge of the Romanian pop band O-Zone, they loved to show us other music and the dances that go along with it. Awesome.

The whole group after finishing the hallway renovation, friends from the U.S. and Romania.

I miss this.

Father's Day

2009-06-21T14:21:00.003-07:00

Today is Father's Day, as you all well know. My pops is pretty much the greatest. He has taken me all over the world. He sacrifices for his family. He has taught me the value of an education, to care for others, to watch baseball, and to appreciate a pulled-pork sandwich. I know that he loves me and my brother, both because he says and because he lives it. Happy Father's Day, Dad. I love you.

My father is a man of adventure.

Even though he is pretty good with a camera, alas, I am less so.

And he has the best smile in the world.

Summer Reading II

2009-06-18T22:57:00.002-07:00

I finished Everything Is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer, and I have to say that I did not enjoy it as much as I enjoyed Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. I was greatly pleased by the development of Alex's character, as opposed to the film (sorry for the comparison, but it's rather inevitable since I saw the film first). I haven't had a crush on a character in a book in a while, and I definitely wished he was a real person. The novel is comprised of alternating chapters: a letter from Alex to Jonathan, a portion of Jonathan's narrative about his mythologized family history, and a portion of Alex's narrative about his and Jonathan's journey to Ukraine. The entire storyline provided by Jonathan's narrative was left out of the film. It was some beautiful storytelling, a family history made mythical and mysterious and wonderful. It was that part of the story that had the most gratuitous sexual content, however, and it continued as the novel progressed. I was also disappointed in the ending. It was without love or hope, and that seemed unfortunately contrary to the experience of Jonathan and Alex throughout.

I also finished The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri. It read like an overgrown short story. There was little going on in the way of plot, except for the quotidian movements of a young man's life - travel, cultural and generational tensions, sexual awakening, going to college, girlfriends, getting a job and getting married, etc. This was also made into a film, but I have not seen it. The struggle that Gogol has with accepting his name and accepting his family and himself would be more strongly conveyed in a short story. As it is, the existential details get buried under the material details, and that kind of just makes it boring.

So now I am on to On the Road. I happened to visit City Lights bookstore in San Francisco on Monday, where Jack Kerouac and Allen Ginsburg and that whole Beat crew would socialize and whatnot. The top floor is dedicated entirely to poetry and the Beat authors, and it was creepily quiet up there. They had one of the best selections of poetry I've ever seen, though, for a bookstore, and some awesome anthologies that I would never even think to look for, much less even attempt to find. I was impressed, though I found the whole Beat thing a bit overdone. But I am not far into On the Road, but so far it is interesting. Kerouac's voice is light, pleasurable, and I appreciate his vivid and frequent but not overbearing use of exclamation points. I think this tone comes from the fact that the stories are semi-autobiographical. Well, they are probably more than semi-autobiographical. I love reading his impressions of different local folk across the country. It's like Travels with Charley in that way, but probably with more sex and booze and benzos and no adorable poodle that I want in my own life.

I'm also reading Czelaw Milosz' Unattainable Earth, and I don't know what to make of it quite yet. That's all I have to say about that. Except that I kind of love it.

After On the Road is done, I will dedicate myself entirely to East of Eden. And then I don't know where I will go from there. I might crack Kevin Starr's California, which I bought at Copperfield's used (in hardcover) for $9.

Summer Reading I

2009-06-03T14:19:00.006-07:00

I've already gotten started, although I've hit a bit of a wall. I need to get more serious about this summer reading nonsense.

So far I've read two books, if you count the book I read during finals week to keep me sane, both by the same author. Daniel Handler, who writes as Lemony Snicket, has a number of novels and short stories for adults. During finals week I read The Basic Eight (1999), which almost defies explanation. I can't tell you about my favorite parts without giving the whole thing away. It is written as the journal of Flannery Culp (I know, right?) which is being edited as she is in prison for a crime. The whole thing is a cheeky take on the high school stereotypes we lived. The re-edited journals thing of course calls into question the reliability of the narrator, a fact which the narrator points our early on. The climactic party scene is beautifully written, confusing and difficult to follow but incredible. Read it.

The other book I read, I just finished on Saturday, is called Adverbs (2006). It is a series of interconnected but nonsequential chapters/short stories/independent narratives, each titled with an adverb describing how the characters love.

Like The Basic Eight, it is set in San Francisco, which made me love it more. I think my favorite story is 'Collectively,' in which a bunch of random people show up to a man's house and declare how much they love him. Characters' names run commonly through a lot of the chapters, but are not always referring to the same character each time, and you're left trying to piece things together, even though you're not going to come away with a whole picture. This is postmodern writing, definitely, and it's rather beautiful. A quick read, and I recommend it also, although I have to say I loved the suspense of The Basic Eight, with nonlinear bits plopped into a questionably narrated linear story than the pastiche of Adverbs.

Right now I've got both The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri and Everything is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer open, although The Namesake isn't holding my attention as much as Everything is Illuminated. I'm going to have to make a dedicated effort to finish it, I think.

On deck, I've got East of Eden by John Steinbeck, On the Road by Jack Kerouac, My Antonia by Willa Cather, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, and One Hundred Years of Solitudeby Gabriel Garcia Marquez. In the dugout I've got Memoirs of a Dutiful Daughter by Simone de Beauvoir, The Complete Stories of Flanner O'Connor, One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich by Alexander Solzhenitsyn, The Victim by Saul Bellow, The Pearl by John Steinbeck, and The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway.

I know that's definitely a tall order, but I am going to do my best to get through everything I've got 'on deck' and hopefully some of what's 'in the dugout.'

2009-05-31T19:53:00.001-07:00

I never thought I'd meet the place that I hate more than Orange County.

I have.

This place is called 'The Valley.'

2009-05-24T23:27:00.002-07:00

I am very happy about being home in my own bed. The mattress doesn't whack the wall when I move, like the one at school, because it is not a trundle. I have plenty of room to keep my books in my bed with me. And the sheet is not heavy like my sheet on my bed at St. Joan's, but it is soft and growing threadbare, which I like. I have been reunited with my down pillow, which further makes me happy. Whenever I change the pillowcase, I can see the stains on the pillow from crying so much my freshman fall as I was going to sleep.

I started reading both The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri and Adverbs by Daniel Handler. So far I enjoy both. I think I am further along in Adverbs than The Namesake, but hopefully one will be done by Tuesday.

Time for bed, me and my books.

2009-05-21T15:13:00.002-07:00

So I am finished with college now. Just the ceremonies are left. I am happy, and tired, and excited to read this summer. Read new books. This is my rule for summer reading.

Life is busy busy busy, still, but I am looking forward to things slowing down very soon.

2.24 AM, Wednesday of Finals Week: Stream of Consciousness

2009-05-20T02:24:00.004-07:00

Dracula paper: halfway done. The last time I showered was Sunday morning. I used Mom's shampoo and it smelled weird. That's probs why my hair is extra, um, shiny. I want a shower. I have to work at 7.15, so I probs won't go to bed. 2-3 more pages, and then pull questions. Why did I eat all those chocolate covered espresso beans? They made my stomach hurt. Something makes me laugh and I just laugh and laugh deliriously. I think I am getting delirious and sick. My voice is still a bit, um, husky from the cold I came down with last Monday. I wore the same thing today that I wore yesterday, only because I just washed all of my clothes and didn't want to wear any more of them.

Finish Dracula paper
Write pull questions
Assemble Torrey notebook...

I never want to eat chocolate covered espresso beans again.

Sleep

2009-05-16T20:01:00.001-07:00

I am thinking right now about the end of my college career. Which still has not arrived. It's been a long time coming, and I am getting impatient.

There is no nostalgia, only grateful appreciation with a side of bitterness. Perhaps in maybe like a year I can write about how great this has all been.

Right now, I simply hate it.

2009-05-05T17:16:00.002-07:00

For whatever reason, in the last few Torrey sessions, we've wrestled in one way or another with the issue of self-worth and personal value in relation to intelligence. It seems like there is some nascent fear emerging that our only value is our intelligence and academic abilities and oh no what are we going to do how can we look at other people who aren't as intelligent as us and still think of them as WHOLE HUMAN BEINGS.

I'm so over it.

Whether this is some put-on that is masking fears of inadequacy and failure, or of the future, or whether they haven't quite yet gotten that we are more than our brains, I am rather tired about talking about this subject.

Perhaps I have life experiences that have taught me otherwise from the beginning...I am not my brain, and I cannot look down on others because there is some discrepancy in our intellectual capacities. Like having a mentally disabled brother, for one. Or having parents who love me no matter what grades I brought home. Or knowing that the image of God is stamped on all persons, regardless of what they do to or with themselves.

An Open Letter

2009-04-30T23:58:00.003-07:00

Dear Patrons of the Biola University Library,

There are many things that you do right. You study. You turn your books in on time, mostly. You don't use your computers in the reading rooms.

There are many things, however, which need serious emendation. However, if you follow these simple guidelines, the library staff will be far more appreciative of you than we all already are.

Please take heed:

1) Do not shell peanuts at your study table. Unshelled peanuts are not an appropriate library snack.

2) Dear seminary students and Biblical studies majors: do not hoard reference books in other sections of the library. We will notice when the NIV Application Commentary for Romans chapters 8-12 is somehow 'misshelved' in the Spanish lit section. You think no one goes down there. But we do.

3) Dear art students: I know the art books are big, and heavy. But for crying out loud, could you please be a bit tidier?

4) Do not bring miscellaneous pets into the library. Say, for instance, a bird. Sitting on your shoulder. It freaks out the other patrons.

5) Do not have prolonged conversations on your cell phone in the library. We can hear you. We can all hear you, and we don't like it. That's what outside is for.

6) Dear English students: stop checking out every book that we have on an author. It's not cool. 'Oh my gosh, who checked out the whole shelf of T.S. Eliot criticism?'

7) For the love of all that is good in the world, please stop checking out Christian fiction, dating books from the 70s, and "PraiseMoves: The Christian ALTERNATIVE to Yoga."

8) And while I rather ENJOY when stuff like this happens:

And even this:

I can't officially condone it.

With love,
Erin
Circulation Staff Worker

2009-04-27T18:34:00.003-07:00

I had a dream about shooting an elephant. The elephant did not stay the same size throughout the dream. It was not like Orwell's experience at all, aside from the fact that both experiences are fictional.

Orwell's widow was very insistent that the story was true. His biographer, one of whose names was Bernard (his first, I think), was very insistent that it was a fictional short story. I am inclined to agree with Bernard.

In any case, before I shot the elephant I was holding on to it by a chain, which, as the pachyderm fled from me, got magically longer until, at last, when the elephant was but a small object approaching the horizon, it pulled me. I followed along behind the elephant for a short period of time, until I stopped it and reined it in. That was relatively easy. I am not sure why the elephant had to perish.

I am not even sure if I actually shot it.

It was quite an impressive dream, but, as with most dreams, I have failed to maintain the vivid memory of it.

2009-04-16T14:36:00.001-07:00

I wish we had crocus flowers in California. We don't even have open fields. :(
From smosch.com

2009-04-10T19:54:00.001-07:00

I'm finishing up the last essay for my Shakespeare class.

The only thing left to write is the Introduction.

How is this for an introduction:

"King Lear is about many things. One of the things it is about is identity."

That seems sufficient.

2009-04-09T12:36:00.003-07:00

At Oxford, there was often graffiti on the walls of the restroom stalls in the libraries. Not stupid stuff that you find in gas station and rest stop facilities ("Mayra <3 Juanito" or "Bakersfield sux"), but intelligent sorts of things.

I was at UC Irvine the other day, attempting to make a dent in this research essay before it made a dent in my GPA. The bathroom stall , while it's graffiti reminded me of Oxford somewhat, had turned into some sort of confessional.

One of the inscriptions read simply:

"I am afraid of failure."

Common enough. But I repeated it over and over in my head, hearing it in someone else's voice. A voice that, in public, was voluminous and confident, if not a bit outspoken - but in solitude, speaking to nobody but itself, was defeated and disheartened, and embarrassed. Maybe it was my own voice.

Recently I have come to recognize that I am prone to busy-ness. I tend to take on just a little more than I ought. I never though myself an over-acheiver. There is a certain concept I have of how an over-acheiver feels about herself, and I never had felt that way about myself, at least not consciously.

So I read those words in my own voice: "I am afraid of failure."

And I wrote a response, just as much for myself as for the girl to whom I was responding:

"Me too. But I don't let that stop me from trying to acheive amazing things."

Choice methods of procrastination

2009-04-08T01:26:00.002-07:00

1. Applying lotion to my dry legs.
2. Ordering Link+ books to read over break: Walking Tours of San Francisco and Romanian language texts.
3. Chatting with Jeremy Phillips on Facebook
4. Watching YouTube videos, like this one, or this one.
5. Writing blog entries about procrastination.
6. Ordering picture postcards to send as thank you notes to people who donated to my trip!
7. Looking at pictures from Romania, for the umpteenth time.
8. Staring at my Shakespeare book, bewildered.
9. Jumping on the Facebook Quiz bandwagon. Like quizilla, but better.
10. Devising clever ways to crack my back.
11. Toast and tea.
12. Stretching out on the floor.

2009-04-07T21:11:00.003-07:00

I have been at the UCI library for quite a while now, researching. I didn't start writing first because, well, I knew that the moment would come when I would know it was time to begin.

That time is now.

King Lear. Identity. A thesis that was already explicated, 40 years ago.

And on Friday, a sigh of relief and a breath of fresh ocean air.

2009-04-01T16:13:00.001-07:00

I just looked at my hand, and experience the uncanny. It looked like my mother's hand.

Fare Forward, Voyagers

2009-04-01T15:37:00.003-07:00

Seriously, a Romania post is coming.

Highlight(s) of my day.

I was walking to get my bike to ride home, and I heard a guy say to a girl: "You know what's cool? Sea anenomes." I thought to myself, "Yeah, sea anenomes are pretty damn cool."

Upon returning back to St. Joan's (that is the name of our house...I know), I found Emma, our visitor from The Land of All That Is Holy and Glorious (that is the name of England...in my head), laying out next to our pool. I joined her. It was delightful.

This blog entry is partially an effort of procrastination, but also an attempt to unstop my writer's block. This always happens when I have multiple papers due.

Further, and unrelatedly, yesterday was the anniversary of John Donne's death. It is the one day of the year when I wish I was Anglican. Why? Because they commemorate the day as his feast day. Adding joy to wonder, we had class on T.S. Eliot yesterday. We talked about the inadequacy of language to convey what we mean... "That's not what I mean, that's not what I mean at all." At the end, our intrepid class leader bid us rise, and read aloud the last stanza of "Little Gidding," which I had already read about five-hundred-twenty-two times already that day:

With the drawing of this Love and the voice of this
   Calling

We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
Through the unknown, unremembered gate
When the last of earth left to discover
Is that which was the beginning;
At the source of the longest river
The voice of the hidden waterfall
And the children in the apple-tree
Not known, because not looked for
But heard, half-heard, in the stillness
Between two waves of the sea.
Quick now, here, now, always—
A condition of complete simplicity
(Costing not less than everything)
And all shall be well and
All manner of thing shall be well
When the tongues of flame are in-folded
Into the crowned knot of fire
And the fire and the rose are one.

2009-03-29T00:54:00.002-07:00

Update about Romania is forthcoming.

The weather has been amazing. It makes studying terrible, because all I want to do is be outside in the sun. But I love this time of year.

2009-03-10T17:43:00.004-07:00

I got to spend a great part of the day outside. Shooting archery, talking about T.S. Eliot in a shady, cool courtyard, sitting by the fountain reading G.K. Chesterton, and lunching al fresco definitely add up a great day.

For the rest of the evening, I will be tied to my laptop. Not so cool.

It's snowing in Brasov, so that will be a lot different than La Mirada in the springtime.

Also, even though I loved England, I was VERY bitter that I had to miss March/April/May in California. By far, this is the best time of year here. I try to get outside as much as possible these days, because I took warm, sunny days for granted. Besides, reading outside is the best.

Tonight, McClain's to get some work done. I leave my dear readers with perhaps one of the most amazing passages from G.K. Chesterton's Orthodoxy:

To the orthodox there must always be a case for revolution; for in the hearts of men God has been put under the feet of Satan. In the upper world hell once rebelled against heaven. But in this world heaven is rebelling against hell. For the orthodox there can always be a revolution; for a revolution is a restoration. At any instant you may strike a blow for the perfection which no man has seen since Adam. No unchanging custom, no changing evolution can make the original good any thing but good.

I want to spend the rest of my life striking blows for perfection, being part of the revolution, rebelling against hell. I suppose, in some sense, that it what Lent is all about; we eject Satan from his usurped throne, and strike a blow for Truth, and for Good, and for what is Beautiful. For 40+ days, we make our feeble attempts to correct ourselves, with God's help. When Pascha comes, we witness the greatest revolution, the greatest movement of love, the ACTUAL rebellion of heaven against hell. Christ harrows hades, striking the most decisive and fatal blow, and we not only witness it, but we are revolutionaries with Christ.

God help us to rebel against the hell of our own passions, and be vigilant and ready revolutionaries.

For Maria

2009-03-07T13:24:00.002-08:00

What do you think of this dress?

Today, in summary

2009-03-06T23:28:00.002-08:00

1 hour of "work," consisting of turning on library computers, and then talking to my lovely co-workers while maintaining pretensions of trying to do homework.

I sat in my living room in Riverside and wrote, listened to a great playlist, and took solace in the green trees against the blue-grey mountains.

I went to Coffee Depot at the Plaza, and I will never go back. The coffee is pretty good. The atmosphere is the kind in which I can be very productive. But there is an awful digital buzzing sound that comes from the refrigerator or something, and I just can't handle it. Also, they played a song from Beauty and the Beast. Coffee shop music fail. You can find me at Coffee Roasters next time I'm in town.

The sunset was beautiful tonight, as it always is. I think it is better in Riverside than in La Mirada, though.

The akathist hymn. I think that we sing it the best, but that's just me.

My mom made eggplant for dinner, and did a wonderful job of it!

When I got back to La Mirada, I found my missing books! And my passport. I've been searching for those three things for days. Thanks, St. Phanourios!

Now I am going to go to bed. Tomorrow:
Homework - possibly outside. This might call for some pretty clothes.
Duncheon
Work - also known as two hours of reading time.
Christine is giving her presentation on India. I am excited. :)
Setting the clock ahead one hour - unacceptable. Not only will I lose an hour in the middle of a weekend which cannot spare a minute (except to write this, naturally), it will be very dark when I wake up in the morning to go to work. This is sad.

I love the springtime.

2009-03-02T23:13:00.002-08:00

I've been delinquent.

But no one is reading, so it's cool, guys. Don't worry about it.

I wanted to write a blog post about the trauma I endured in last Monday's Literary Theory class. We had to make a canon. We made a list, and then each person got to cut two authors. One girl made us put Thoreau on the list, and then cut Proust. Dumb. Talking about a literary canon is so weird. I don't like the exercise. I don't really know that there can be a canon, because the parameters for inclusion are so arbitrary. At the same time, there is something about Shakespeare that is not about Stephenie Meyer. Why Macbeth and not Twilight? I don't know that I could give you good criteria that weren't entirely arbitrary, except that you kind of just know.

Why do we still read Shakespeare anyways?

Today is the first day of Lent. I have very little to say on the matter that has not already been said. I am very happy for the start of Lent, partly for non-spiritual reasons. This is my favorite time of year. And I was gone last year, so it'll be really awesome to experience real spring, not drizzly, milquetoast, never-gets-above-45 spring.

Kierkegaard. I'm reading him. It doesn't make any sense.

Romania or Bust!

2009-01-29T14:43:00.004-08:00

In March, I am going to Romania!

We'll be in Brasov, which is here:

And it looks like this:

I am going with Orthodox Christian Fellowship's Real Break program in order to do some community service work there.

While on the trip, I will be working with eleven other students at two places in Brasov, Romania. The first is a local school for blind children. It is only facility for blind students in Romania, and many of the students there have other disabilities as well. We will be spending time interacting with students one-on-one. The other place we will be working is called A Step to the Future, which is a social integration center for young people who grew up in the orphanages. Many of you know that a large proportion of Romania’s children live on the street and in orphanages. Once they turn 18, however, they can no longer stay in the orphanages, and do not have the kind of support they need to start an adult life of their own. Currently, there are about 10 or 12 young men residing at the center. We will be renovating their hallway, and spending our evenings there with the residents and helping teach a little English through conversation. While in Romania, we will also visit the Sambata Monastery for Sunday services and some local historical sites.

Basically, this is pretty awesome. However, I have to raise money in order to go.

So, if you want to help support us as we go aid our brothers and sisters in the name of Christ, first pray for us. Then, go to this site and donate. Even $5, $10, $20 makes a difference. Your money goes to support God's work through us and through these organizations, as well as God's work in us. Of course, I will be sure to post/e-mail/write about my time in Romania.

Don't forget!

Love,
Erin

UPDATE: The OCF website has recently been updated. I changed the links to reflect the changes!

Miracles

2009-01-24T21:45:00.001-08:00

I have been thinking about them lately.

Last Saturday, I went to the cathedral in San Francisco where St. John Maximovitch is. Wednesday night, I prayed the akathist to St. Xenia, specifically for help with my graduation requirements problem. The next day, my graduation counselor called me and told me that everything could work. Friday we finalized it and I am all set to graduate! Friday night, I went with some friends to St. Barnabas to witness the myrrh-streaming icon of the Iveron Mother of God of Hawai'i, and was anointed with its myrrh. Today, I went to liturgy for the feast of St. Xenia (who helped me get a job and is helping me graduate!) and was anointed with holy oil from her tomb. Tomorrow, the myrrh-streaming icon of the Theotokos will be at my home parish of St. Andrew, and I will again witness the myrrh and be anointed with it.

That's one miracle-packed week.

These are all signs further affirming for us that God is with us.

Why does God preserve the physical bodies of the saints as incorrupt? Because God has become man, redeeming our souls AND our bodies. The saints glorify God in their holiness, attesting to His great love and everlasting mercy.

Why do icons of the Theotokos and other saints weep myrrh, like the one in Hawai'i? Because the heavenly has broken into the world. Christ tore down the barrier between us and God, he rent the veil in two, and now we have access to greater, higher things. The Virgin weeps for us, for our sin, for our ignorance, that we might repent, that our injuries might be healed, that our souls be elevated to God. She does not judge us. She prays for us, loves us, and strives for the healing of our brokenness.

Why are saints like St. Xenia able to know our needs and effect good things for us? Because they have the heart of God. They have known what it is to suffer with Christ, to love the whole world, and their prayers before God are powerful. They help us because they love us.

These miracles are extraordinary to us, but they are ordinary in the life of God. They also remind us of the things we take for granted, of the daily miracle of LIVING. I am alive by the grace of God. How often am I physically in harm's way, and rescued from danger by God? How often do I put myself in the path of temptation, how often do I sin, and yet am forgiven? How often does Christ give Himself to me as food--FOOD--to eat and drink? How often is God available to hear my praises, my hurt, my prayers for friends? The answer is EVERY DAY. Every day, every moment is a demonstration of God's love for us.

We are given everything that we need to know and love God, things ordinary and things extraordinary. How often do we reciprocate in prayer, in fasting, in feeding the hungry, providing for the poor, loving the unloved, showing kindness to the stranger, clothing the naked, housing the homeless?

Love God. Love your neighbor.

2009-01-09T01:58:00.002-08:00

Dear Mr. Eliot,

I was reading The Four Quartets today, and I want to know: what, exactly, you mean by 'love without desire'?

This has me quite befuddled.

I eagerly await your reply.

With kindest affections,
Miss Bernard

2009-01-03T13:10:00.003-08:00

In the middle of cleaning out my room at my parents' house, I found one of my term papers from a couple of years ago.

It bears this promising title: "You Can Get to Heaven on a Bicycle: The Relevance of Faith and Works to Salvation."

An excerpt from the introduction:

There is a well-known camp song that many children learn around the fire-- "You can't get to heaven on roller skates." Playfully building on a theme, the call-and-response song enumerates many different ways to not get into heaven. As with most folk songs, the lyrics change depending on the person singing it--you can't get to heaven on a pogo stick, in a limousine, in a putt-putt car, on a pair of skis. The choices are almost as endless as heaven itself. One variation might instruct the echoing singers that they can't get to heaven on a bicycle. A bicycle is a more apt analogy for the path to heaven than, say, a pogo stick. Throughout the New Testament, Christ ans His apostle proclaim the way of salvation as faith and obedience-- "faith working through love." The way of faith can be likened to a bicycle, one wheel being faith and the other being obedience and works of charity, both working to propel the rider to his destination. A bicycle is useless without one or both of its wheels; the Christian life is likewise of no avail if one of these elements is missing. Of course, the analogy is insufficient to illustrate the whole Christian life, but it provides a clear picture of how ineffective an incomplete Christian life is. You can't get to heaven on a bicycle with only one wheel. By preaching salvation by faith alone, Martin Luther attempts to ride this one-wheeled bicycle, yet faith needs works, or else it is useless. Although Martin Luther asserts that man is saved only by faith and receives Christ's righteousness by imputation, Christ and His apostles teach that faith and righteous works in tandem are necessary for salvation.

Oh man. What was going on there? I think my favorite was "Martin Luther attempts to ride this one-wheeled bicycle." Not my best writing, but perhaps one of the cleverest introductions I've ever written, despite the fact that I probably don't have a good grasp of how either Christ or Luther tell us we can be saved.

Happy New Year!

2009-01-01T14:50:00.002-08:00

Happy New Year, and happy feast of St. Basil the Great!

I just got back from the OCF College Conference yesterday afternoon, after a 6 hour drive from the Fresno area. THE REVOLUTION OF LOVE was incredible. I can't even really articulate the beautiful spirit that was there. I got to meet a lot of new people, and it was clear that Christ was in our midst. If you want to know more, ask me. :)

I also just booked my flight to San Francisco over MLK weekend. I get to visit my grandparents, my cousins, Raphael House, and NICOLE SAAD. I am pretty stoked.

New Year's Resolutions. I never make them. Because I am not likely to keep them. But I am looking forward to the growth that is going to happen this year, and to the beautiful opportunities that are set out before me. Graduating and stepping beyond the safety of my status quo is really scary, but also really really exciting.

Happy new year, everyone!

Christ is Born! Glorify Him!

2008-12-25T19:13:00.002-08:00

Today, He who holds all of creation in the hollow of His hand is born of the Virgin.

Sing to the Lord all the earth, and praise Him with joy all people!

Thy Nativity, O Christ our God, has shown to the world the light of wisdom. For by it, those who worshipped the stars were taught by a star to adore Thee the Sun of Righteousness, and to know Thee, the Orient from on high. O Lord, glory to Thee!

2008-12-23T23:59:00.002-08:00

So, since it is the end of the year, I ought to take time to reflect on the last year.

Of course, I could give a laundry list of people, places, and things, but that would be beside the point. Reflection, not mere recollection, is the goal.

However, in the last few weeks, I have been trying to make sense of the events of the last year. I've tried to find some sort of logic or pattern to things. Why was Oxford so wonderful, yet so difficult? Summertime...I'd probably need a flow chart to understand what was going on there. Then there was this semester. Why did I do poorly? I mean, I didn't fail anything. Everything was pretty much half-assed, but I could hardly bring myself to do much better than that. Yet, even at a bit of distance from it, I still can't understand what caused this great difficulty.

But I think that is just the thing. I can't understand why things went the way that they did. For now, I am glad to be done with this semester, and with this year, and to move forward toward graduation and whatever is waiting for me afterwards. And in trying to make sense of it, the principle that life doesn't always make sense is reinforced. Usually that kind of understanding comes when something horrible and tragic happens. I've been there multiple times before, but this was more like a gentle reminder.

Well, I suppose this is a different kind of 'things don't make sense.' It wasn't like external circumstances were particularly influential. My internal motivation and behavior is what is incomprehensible to me. Why did I do that? What was I thinking?

Here's to lessons learned, and continuing to push forward.

I am looking forward to...
Liturgy in 10 hours.
baking and baking and baking tomorrow.
a nap.
Christmas liturgy!
Opening presents.
Going to Disneyland.
Going to the college conference.
New Year's with Bettina & co.
Twelfth Night Party at my house in La Mirada. Be there, or be square.

2008-12-17T10:55:00.002-08:00

I love passiveaggressivenotes.com.

It kind of rules. I have it in my Google Reader, and today's post made me happy.

A Valediction: a forbidding warning.

Not so much the content of the post, but the title of the post - ever read John Donne's A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning? If not, you should.

I have John Donne on the brain. I should have T.S. Eliot on the brain, since he is the subject of my current essay, but I got my Torrey paper back yesterday with accolades. So all I can think about is John Donne.

2008-12-16T23:33:00.002-08:00

Only one essay left.

I've only slept for about 3.5 hours since I woke up at about 8 on Monday morning? So I'm going to go to bed. My essay will be late, but I won't die.

Reason number 926 to love college

2008-12-15T20:44:00.002-08:00

Finals Week.

Library.

Furiously studious students.

A line of young men, maybe 8 or 9 of them, walk single-file through the library in step with one another, wordlessly. Some wear silly hats. Some make exaggerated marching movements.

All wear those hopelessly noisy warm-up outfits.

Nothing audacious, just the swish-swish-swish-swish of 8 or 9 young men marching through the library in warm-ups.

2008-12-13T21:54:00.002-08:00

We put the lights on the tree! And the ornaments, and the silk flowers, and the star.

But I have no pictures. :/ So that's a bust.

I did more Christmas shopping and got my mom a boxed set of Twilight books. She's gonna love it. But don't tell her that's what I got her.

Only a few more things left before the end of the semester!
+ Write an introduction for Wallace's poetry portfolio
+ Make my own poetry portfolio (and write poem #8, which I never ended up writing)
+ Write three more pull questions, and tidy up my notebook for Don Rags
+ Write a 1,000 word summary of Being as Communion for Ecclesiology
+ Write a 5-7 page research paper on something in Modernism

Yikes! I might die!

2008-12-13T01:29:00.002-08:00

Well well well.

Things are mighty nice 'round here.

I've been working for the last two weeks at the library. I like working at the library. Number one, there are books. Number two, I get to look at them all. I have discovered a few things about books since I began working there:

1. I want to know about more things than I knew I wanted to know about.
2. Biola will let you write a master's thesis or doctoral dissertation on almost anything. (I have come across no fewer than 4 theses/dissertations relating to some aspect of the church life of Koreans, in America and in Korea.)
3. Christian publishers will let you write books on almost anything. (Today I came across no fewer than four books whose title was a variation on the "How to Determine God's Will for Your Life" theme.)

I have also discovered that I have particularly favorite sections to shelve. I do not like shelving the L section. The books are all about education, and the titles are boring. N is good, nursing books are interesting. BS are all the Bible commentaries. Lots of sociology in H. I still have not been downstairs, where all the Dewey Decimal books are. I mean, I've been down there, but I haven't shelved down there yet. P is all the literature. BX is where the Orthodox books are. BT-BZ are all the crazy Christian books. Yesterday I shelved some books in the Christian dating section.

More amazing than the fact that these books are written, published, and purchased, students actually check them out for (presumably) research purposes. Otherwise, I am not so sure why they are being checked out...

At this point, I am only putting off going to bed. Which is something that I do when I am home, when my parents tell me not to stay up too late.

Today I went Christmas shopping, and got my mom a nice toaster oven. Because I love her.

Now I am going to go to bed, after taking some nighttime cold medicine. Mostly because it's the only excuse I ever had to take drugs that make me sleep. Sleep like a rock. Like a baby rock. Like a little baby rock.

2008-11-22T13:50:00.002-08:00

Something is telling me, "Psst! It's time for a new post!" I am not sure what that thing is, but I feel inclined to obey it. That thing is probably Procrastination, since my empty blog-editing window somehow seems more enticing than my empty word-processing-essay-writing window.

I feel like writing about more Oxonian nostalgia, but I ought to refrain. Such unrestrained remembrance is unbecoming. Then perhaps I ought to write about my life, but that is most assuredly boring (I turned in a huge-normous paper. I am trying not to get sick. I am having surgery soon. I sleep a lot. I got a job at the library. I have wonderful friends.). Of course there are the little things in life which are so vexing, like 8.5"x11" paper, MLA documentation style, Talbot guys, my padiddle car, and the person in the library who gets change from their five-dollar bill and their quarters drop noisily and ceaslessly out of the dispenser.

I could wax ignorantly philosophic on the current state of things, but there are enough bloggers commenting on the quagmire of our culture.

Or, I could post up here something that I've written for class. But there is not anything of particular interest. Most of the poems I have done lately have been bad, and not worth posting. Or I could talk endlessly about my love of modernist poetry. Or all poetry, for that matter.

But I won't. I suppose I just wrote about what I am not going to write about. But that's okay. At least I've ruled out everything I won't write about next time.

2008-11-15T19:33:00.001-08:00

2008-11-13T23:04:00.002-08:00

I am being mentally eviscerated by my paper on John Donne, meditative poetry, and human dissection. Yes, they all tie together. I'm just not quite sure how yet. It's still all forming in my mind, though I have sources and notes and small ideas to fill an entire notebook...I actually have a notebook... containing all those things.

Tying it all together is so hard.

I turned in a poem in poetry class today that I was kind of proud of, until I looked at the poems everyone else wrote. I am going to work really hard on the next poem, and it'll be awesome!

I desperately need to rest, but there is not enough time to do everything. By rest I don't mean "make sure to get at least 6 hours of sleep each night." I mean spend half a week sleeping. I mean it. And spend the rest of the time watching good movies and reading children's books, and the like.

I complain too much. But things get overwhelming.

End of Erin's silly rant.

2008-11-09T20:21:00.005-08:00

The Radcliffe Camera, Oxford, January 2008

The weather is amazing right now, and I feel like it is reversing me back to my time in Oxford. I got there in January, and as time went on it got warmer and warmer, albeit by rather small increments. Christmas on January 7 was freezing. By Pascha, I thought that the twilit 50 degree evening in Essex was warm. I've acclimated back to California weather (August in Riverside forced my hand) but the incrementally cooling weather reminds me more and more of Oxford, as if once it gets sufficiently cold I ought to expect to return.

Magdalen College as seen from the Botanical Gardens, Oxford, February 2008

I thought to myself the other day how I would like to hop on a bus (for 12 pounds) and get myself to London. There, I would by a Tube Pass (Zone 1 only, 6 pounds) and see my favorite parts of London: St. Paul's (8 pounds 75), the Tate Modern (free!), and Trafalgar Square (tourist photos cost only your dignity). Don't forget St Dunstan's on Fleet Street - Sweeney Todd, John Donne, and the Orthodox Church all in one place! Perhaps I can find my way into St. Bride's, and discover the entrance to the Inns of Court. Hop over to Kensington (via St Pancras) and get a Ben's Cookie. Walk the gardens, admiring the bluish blue of the sky, the shape and movement of the clouds, the face of each person who passes by. I might strike up a conversation on the tube - but only outside of Zone 1, maybe if I went to visit Olga.

St. Paul's at night, London, March 2008

But I'd rather see something new of London. Explore Notting Hill Gate. What's Marylebone? Where might Hammersmith and City take me (if they can get that line running at all)?

Sunset on Crick Road, Oxford, April 2008

Even though the winter will not take me back to Oxford, I will wear my scarf from Cornmarket Street, and eat paninis on colder days in between study sessions (though cheesy-tomato rice is more likely), and be grateful that there is no cobblestone in Orange County.

Congratulations to President Obama

2008-11-04T20:17:00.001-08:00

Praise ye the LORD. Praise the LORD, O my soul.

While I live will I praise the LORD: I will sing praises unto my God while I have any being.

Put not your trust in princes, nor in the son of man, in whom there is no help.

His breath goeth forth, he returneth to his earth; in that very day his thoughts perish

Happy is he that hath the God of Jacob for his help, whose hope is in the LORD his God:

Which made heaven, and earth, the sea, and all that therein is: which keepeth truth for ever:

Which executeth judgment for the oppressed: which giveth food to the hungry. The LORD looseth the prisoners:

The LORD openeth the eyes of the blind: the LORD raiseth them that are bowed down: the LORD loveth the righteous:

The LORD preserveth the strangers; he relieveth the fatherless and widow: but the way of the wicked he turneth upside down.

The LORD shall reign for ever, even thy God, O Zion, unto all generations. Praise ye the LORD.

--Psalm 146, KJV

Stanley

2008-10-30T00:48:00.004-07:00

She calls me an animal
primitive
common
pig
pollack
vulgar
animal

She oughta know that
I'm wise to her.

Maybe she wouldn't be bad to interfere with.

College Student Recipes, Installment 2

2008-10-29T21:15:00.002-07:00

I had a whole bunch of ground beef that I had bought and ended up being unable to use for its original purpose. So I cooked up two pounds of ground beef, making half of it taco meat, half of which Ben & I ate.

That left me with one pound of cooked, unseasoned ground beef.

I also had a bunch of rice I had cooked but not consumed.

And jarred pasta sauce.

I think you see where this is going.

That was a good two lunches.

I still have two pounds of ground beef that I need to eat before advent starts. That's in two weeks. Anyone want to come over for tacos? Sloppy Joes?

2008-10-29T00:32:00.001-07:00

This is so depressing.

POST NUMBER ONE HUNDRED!!!!!11one!!1!

2008-10-28T20:09:00.003-07:00

How exciting!

Last time I thought the big one-double-oh was upon me, I realized I had a ton of unpublished drafts. Which I purged. So this is REALLY number one hundred. I had intended on doing something big and exciting. But really I just want to talk about my new latest blog obsession.

No, obsession is too strong of a word.

Fashion and design blogs. I'm trying to educate my aesthetic sensibility.

Recently, on Design*Sponge, they featured this great house. I love the books in the kitchen.

I also really love this card-catalog thing. I can just imagine perfectly sorting all of your kitchen utensils in it! Or sorting paper. Or office supplies. Yeah, office supplies...

Then they posted this entry, about artist Darra Crosby, who has these great chalkboard pieces.

Another fave is Oh Happy Day, which is just a nice collection of pretty things. This one is usually just a compilation of things that Jordan likes, but it's a little bit of everything - interior design, clothing, furniture, party planning, and knick-knacks. There were a couple of posts there about bookbinding.

This last one is definitely my favorite. She took a bookbinding class. These aren't hers, but I think it would be pretty amazing to learn how to do that!

And there are others that I frequent (Google Reader!!):
Painfully Hip
party perfect
{frolic!}

So that's a bit of design-blog fun.

Love,
Erin

2008-10-27T21:39:00.004-07:00

I don't even care a whit about any of my schoolwork.

That's right, not one whit.

Poems due tomorrow. They will be posted here, forthwith, as soon as I manage to write them.

toothpastefordinner.com

EDIT: Bad HTML? Oh hell!

Going to Romania

2008-10-24T13:55:00.002-07:00

I signed up today to go on a Real Break trip in 2009! I'll be skipping Missions Conference at Biola in order to spend a week with other OCFers in Romania. Our trip is going to be led by Veronica Pruim, the Programs Director for OCF who is originally from Romania. Here is what it says on the OCF website: "We will be staying in Brasov, a beautiful Transylvanian city located in the center of the country and surrounded by the Carpathian Mountains. We will be mainly involved with two sites: the school for blind children which was just founded by a local NGO and the children's hospital (therapy for abandoned children and orphans). In addition, we will visit the beautiful monastery of Sambata near Fagaras as well as the world famous Dracula's castle."

Sambata Monastery

Brasov...that's where I'll be.

Kids at an orphanage in Brasov, like the ones we'll be working with.

Dracula's Castle

Of course there will lots of good work to do besides going to Dracula's castle and awesome monasteries. It's going to be heartbreaking and beautiful. I'm really excited about it.

With love,
Erin

Baby Afghan-to-be

2008-10-22T18:10:00.002-07:00

Today I started to crochet an afghan for a baby I know who is not born yet. I hope it doesn't suck too much. It's kind of hard because I keep dropping stitches. The only reason I have time to do this is because of the Torrey Bible Conference.

Every fall semester, Biola cancels classes for three days and holds the Torrey Bible Conference. It is an all-university event. We have to go to eight of ten conference sessions, all of which discuss the same topic in some way or another. A few years ago it was Racial Reconciliation. This year, the topic is Sex and the Soul. So what am I going to do while a guy stands onstage and tell us that sex is great (like we didn't already know that) and that we can't have it until we're married (like we didn't already know that)? Why, crochet a blanket!

It's a start. I'm dropping stitches like mad. Hopefully I can be successful. Here are a few pictures of my starting out.

2008-10-22T00:39:00.001-07:00

P.S. My birthday is tomorrow. :)

Christening Gowns

2008-10-22T00:24:00.002-07:00

Oh my gosh.

So beautiful.

Bits & Pieces

2008-10-20T11:25:00.004-07:00

I've decide to write this semester's honors paper about John Donne. I am glad that Dr. Jenson went for it, because I've already done a good deal of research and writing about John Donne. I told him that I would rather do George Orwell, but Orwell isn't in the Torrey Curriculum. Really, he ought to be.

In any case, I've also decided that I am giving up Facebook for a while, probably just these next three days. I think it will be good for my soul.

I have discovered the beautiful music of Ingrid Michaelson, as well as the very amazing new iTunes software with the Genius feature. It makes a playlist for you. Kind of like Pandora, but with your music. It's pretty cool.

And, um, I've not got a lot else going on. Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday I will be going to Torrey Bible Conference at Biola. I don't have much of a choice. This year's theme is "Sex and the Soul." I don't really understand why Biola as an institution must incessantly address the issue of sex. Perhaps, of course, because it is a prevalent issue in a our culture and an area of life in which the student body regularly struggles and fails. I just don't see how talking about it all the time, even as Christians, is helpful. So I have to spend the next two and a half days listening to talks about sex. Granted, the speakers are intelligent and well-qualified. But there have to be better things to talk about, considering that sex was the topic of the Torrey Bible Conference my sophomore year...

I'm going to try to crochet a baby blanket for my soon-to-be-born goddaughter. Hopefully it doesn't suck. I've also been thinking about christening gowns, which I think are the most beautiful things ever. They can be very expensive; I was thinking of having one made or something. I mean, I could just go with a white outfit or dress or something, but christening gowns are so beautiful. I'll post pictures of those soon.

To sleep, to sleep...

College Student Recipes, Installment 1

2008-10-14T19:11:00.002-07:00

When Holly and I were in England, we shared food and the subsequent costs. Often, after a long day of studying in the Bodleian, we'd return to Number Eight Crick Road to find scant provisions in our kitchen cabinet. So we were often left to make do with what we had.

What we came up with was, well, utter genius.

Cheesy Tomato Rice.

Yes, yes, I know it doesn't sound particularly appetizing at first. But...when you have English organic cheese, an Spanish Organic tomatoes, and rice that was 69 pence a pound, you've got a meal made in Oxford.

So...here it goes:

Ingredients:
1 bowl of rice, a little too soggy because Erin is really bad at cooking rice
Lots of shredded white cheese, of any moderately soft and sweet variety.
1 chopped tomato (that would be "toe-MAH-toe")
Crushed black pepper, to taste.

Combine cheese and tomato in the bowl of rice, mixing thoroughly. Microwave until cheese is melted. Sprinkle freshly-ground black pepper on top, to taste.

Eat.

Another recipe that I just came up with, inspired by my experience in England and my recent trip to Trader Joe's, has no name yet. But I will let the recipe do the talking.

Ingredients:
Organic Wheat Bread
English Blue Stilton Cheese
Boysenberry preserves

Toast bread. Spread cheese. Spread Boysenberry preserves. Eat.

This last recipe combines three food groups (grain, dairy, and fruit). The wheat bread provides an earthy, rich base for the more delicate, contrasting flavors of the sour Stilton and sweet but slightly tangy boysenberry.

Stay tuned for more College Student Recipes. Next time: How not to get stuck eating pasta and ketchup during Lent.

2008-10-07T00:51:00.003-07:00

I want to go and explore something!

But instead, I am in my house, in the living room, alone, on the stone floor, writing a precis of Hamlet.

I cannot begin to explain how ridiculous this assignment is. A 400-level English class should not require a precis. It should require serious interaction with secondary sources (but none of that, either). It's terrible.

I would rather go and explore something.

How unadventurous my life is.

Tomorrow I think I will try to write a poem on a typewriter.

O. M. G.

2008-10-05T23:53:00.003-07:00

http://menwholooklikeoldlesbians.blogspot.com/

Unbelievable. But it is exactly what it sounds like.

Beloved, Do Not Let Me Be Discouraged

2008-10-02T21:02:00.003-07:00

This song is amazing. I love the second part the most. I could only find the video in two parts. The whole album, "Silent City", by Kayhan Kalhor & Brooklyn Rider, is totally worth buying on iTunes.

I present to you 'Beloved, Do Not Let Me Be Discouraged."

PART ONE

PART TWO

Untitled Poem, 10/1

2008-10-02T20:59:00.002-07:00

The blue-violet twilight, with its suspended slivered moon,
Draws the sky and emerald trees below to one darkness.
Human stillness gives way to the hymn of the woods,
Sung in native orchestration.

The crickets’ soprano crescendos
Above The cicadas’ substantial contralto;
And the summer night air lilts and glides
Through the trees, keeping tempo
With the baritone rhythm
Of the creek-bed bullfrogs.

Dissonant footsteps displace the gravel
Path; the small stones guide us to where
The woods end.

Across the open clearing we are walking,
Your hand lingering just below my neck,
As the thick air precipitates
In fine, dewy drizzle,
And the orchestration of our own voices
Replaces the forest song fading behind us.

Autumn

2008-09-29T21:06:00.002-07:00

From Jenny and Lauren! So much love!

When does fall begin for you?
When I can wear a scarf and not be uncomfortable.

What is your favorite aspect of fall?
The change in the air, the thick, heavy white clouds and the crisp blue sky.

What is your favorite fall memory?
Hm...I would have to say going to Williamsburg, VA with my grandmother one year.

What do you like to drink in the fall?
Caramel apple cider from the campus coffee place, and hot cocoa.

What’s your favorite fall food?
Chili, with LOTS of cheese!

What is fall weather like where you live?
Not as autumnal as it ought to be.

What color is fall?
Whatever color love is. :)

What does fall smell like?
Fresh rain.

Holiday shopping in fall:
Nope.

If you could go anywhere in the fall, where would you go?
Either Virginia or Pennsylvania.

What is your favorite fall sport?
There is more than one? College football!

Do you have a favorite fall chore?
I don't have any such thing as a 'favorite chore.' But maybe packing away the summer clothes.

What is your least favorite thing about fall?
Indian summer.

What is your favorite fall holiday?
My birthday!

What’s your favorite kind of pie?
Pecan!

Which do you prefer, the Farm or the Fair?
Hm, I never really was into either tradition.

Do you have a favorite fall book?
Hm, well, as Christmas approaches I like to crack open "On the Incarnation" by St. Athanasius, but is that really a fall book?

How about a favorite fall poem or quote?
Oh, I lose again. :[

2008-09-29T01:15:00.002-07:00

I promise a new post soon.

As soon as I am resurrected from the shoal of schoolwork which has taken my life nigh unto Hades.

Highlights: 1 Henry IV

2008-09-17T22:28:00.009-07:00

Act Two, Scene Four: Namecalling

Hotspur: How now, Kate? I must leave you within these two hours.

Lady Percy: O my good lord, why are you thus alone?
For what offence have I this fortnight been
A banished woman from my Harry's bed?
. . .
Some heavy business hath my lord in hand,
And I must know it, else he loves me not.

Hotspur: What ho!

Act Two, Scene Five

Falstaff: . . . If manhood, good manhood, be not forgot upon the face of the earth, then am I a shotten herring.

Act Three, Scene One: Trash Talking

Glyndŵr: Good cousin Hotspur; for by that name
As oft as Lancaster doth speak of you,
His cheek looks pale, and with a rising sigh
He wisheth you in heaven.

Hotspur: And you in hell,
As oft as he hears Owain Glyndŵr spoke of.

Glyndŵr: I cannot blame him. At my nativity
The front of heaven was full of fiery shapes,
Of burning cressets; and at my birth
The frame and huge foundation of the earth
Shaked like a coward

Hotspur: Why, so it would have done at the same season, if
your mother's cat had but kittened, though yourself
had never been born.

Glyndŵr: I say the earth did shake when I was born.

Hotspur: And I say the earth was not of my mind
If you suppose as fearing you it shook.

Glyndŵr: The heavens were all on fire, the earth did tremble--

Hotspur: O, then the earth shook to see the heavens on fire,
And not in fear of your nativity.
Diseased nature oftentimes breaks forth
In strange eruptions; oft the teeming earth
Is with a kind of colic pinched and vexed
By the imprisoning of unruly wind
Within her womb, which for enlargement striving
Shakes the old bedlam earth, and topples down
Steeples and moss-grown towers. At your birth
Our grandam earth, having this distemp'rature,
In passion shook.

Act Three, Scene One Continued: Stay away from me

Hotspur: I had rather live
With cheese and garlic, in a windmill, far,
Than feed on cates and have him talk to me
In any summer house in Christendom.

One Hundred, or not.

2008-09-17T15:09:00.003-07:00

I've been itching to finally make my one hundredth post here. What?

Although maybe some of those are ones that I started writing and never finished, for their lack of anything interesting, or perhaps bad grammar.

I'll check on that...and get back to you on the blog-post count.

This is number 85. I've got a ways to go before I hit the big 1-double-oh. Which is good. Because I should probably make it a doozy.

Highlights: The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin

2008-09-14T20:31:00.001-07:00

[My father] convinced me that nothing was useful which was not honest.

So convenient a thing it is to be a reasonable creature, since it enables one to find or make a reason for everything one has a mind to do.

It was about this time I conceiv'd the bold and arduous project of arriving at moral perfection.

Imitate Jesus and Socrates

...a perfect character might be attended with the inconvenience of being envied and hated; and that a benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself, to keep his friends in countenance.

In reality, there is, perhaps, no one of our natural passions so hard to subdue as pride. Disguise it, struggle with it, beat it down, stifle it, mortify it as much as one pleases, it is still alive, and will every noe and then peep out and show itself; you will see it, perhaps, often in this history; for, even if I could conceive that I had compleatly overcome it, I should probably be proud of my humility.

"next to of course god america i

2008-09-14T19:47:00.003-07:00

"next to of course god america i
love you land of the pilgrims' and so forth oh
say can you see by the dawn's early my
country 'tis of centuries come and go
and are no more what of it we should worry
in every language and deafanddumb
they sons acclaim your glorious name by gorry
by jingo by gee by gosh by gum
why talk of beauty what could be more beaut-
iful than these heroic happy dead
who rushed like lions to the roaring slaughter
they did not stop to think they died instead
then shall the voice of liberty be mute?"

He spoke. And drank rapidly a glass of water

-- ee cummings

Much too much

2008-09-12T01:28:00.003-07:00

Recent thoughts:

The triangulation of Sufjan, Sandburg, and Simon (of the "& Garfunkel" variety), not to forget Robinson (of the Edward Arlington variety).
Far too many baked goods in the house.
Rejection of employment application at Biola. But this is nothing new.
I want to go and see America, feel America and try to understand what America is all about.
Unfortunately, I missed the deadline on buying a cheap-o ticket to the Holy Isle.
Being a Literature major will probably ruin my eyesight.
I can get by in class when I have not read by not saying anything.
Sometimes, being on the periphery of many different social groups is great. Sometimes not.
Sometimes, living off campus, like all your other friends do, is great. Sometimes not.
Repentance is difficult. But this is nothing new.
I want more things than I need, and this is distressing.
Life doesn't stop for you to take a breather. But this is nothing new.

Finally, a poem is birthed.

2008-09-09T02:26:00.000-07:00

The stone buildings have amassed in the city,

And I walk between them gingerly

As between a child’s scattered playthings.

The through-fares and alleyways meander,

Carrying me toward the south where the rivers meet.

They flow about like ribbons,

Tying the city up between their banks.

The February sun falls, descending into the meadows,

Illumining the cherry-blossom tree

Standing, crooked, before the church doors.

A mass of people rush about me,

Flowing as rivers meandering the streets,

Themselves tied up in the heart of a city

Flourishing with the coming Spring.

The ghost of Carl, he approached my window

2008-09-09T00:54:00.002-07:00

Perhaps if I invoke Carl Sandburg I can write this poem for my class.

2008-09-08T18:45:00.002-07:00

How does one even begin to write a poem?

Further, how does the same one propose a topic for a paper, to be written on a play that one has not even read yet? Is one supposed to have read all the plays already?

Lastly, how does one cut away all the extraneous and burdensome thoughts which distract one from the task at hand?

2008-09-02T20:54:00.002-07:00

I've been back at school now for a week. I've not yet had Monday classes (Labor Day! Let's push Ben in the pool! I have a bruise on my chin!) but I've been in all my other classes already. It's going to be intense. I have a feeling that I will enjoy my English classes the most. Here's the breakdown:

American Modernism: This class is going to rule. We've started on some poetry and short stories, two of my favorite literary genres. I read some Carl Sandburg today, for the first time, and I am very excited to be learning more about poetry. It is an area in which I am not very well read, so I am glad to learn more about it. We'll hit T.S. Eliot at the end of it, and we're also doing Willa Cather.

Intro to Shakespeare: We've already gotten started with the Taming of the Shrew (I once played Kate in a small production of the play!) and it's going to be interesting, I think. I've gotten assigned to the group that does a presentation on Henry IV. SNOOZE. Fortunately, I've already read and I have extensive notes, as do the other folks in my group, so we're ahead of the game a bit on that one.

Poetry: Writing poetry. So awesome. I love this class already. Maybe when I start writing more than just haiku warm-up type things, I will post some of them.

Ecclesiology: This class is going to kick my butt. It's a top-heavy semester, with so much dense reading at the beginning of the semester. I am a little afraid of this class, but it's going to be really good too, hopefully. As long as I can keep up with the work, I'll be okay.

Honors - America: I am not sure what this class is all about. I know we're reading Burke, and Lincoln, and Douglass. But I'm not really excited about it at all.

I also put in an application to work at the Writing Center, and submitted as my writing sample my week 8 essay from my John Donne tutorial in Oxford. That week's topic was Donne's sermons and religious poems and the Renaissance obsession with anatomization. I hope that wasn't too pretentious.

In any case, this semester has so far started out well. I have Wednesday off from classes, which is a great boon indeed, but I have to stay focused in order not to put off the work that I should be doing on that day for all the other classes I have. Now is the time to get ahead. If only I could follow my own advice...

Olympic Hand-off

2008-08-25T14:32:00.002-07:00

The hand-off ceremony from Beijing to London was rubbish.

The mayor of London, Boris Johnson, wore the most quintessentially British suit he could find - schlumpy, lumpy, and boring.

The Beckham kicked a football off the top of a double-decker bus, while Jimmy Page and Leona Lewis looked on.

Speaking of Jimmy Page and Leona Lewis...eh, there is nothing to say about that, really. Except "BOO!!!!"

I have to say that, in some ways, the UK's participation in the closing ceremonies was typical. The symbols they chose to display to the world London and, by proxy, England and the rest of the United Kingdom, were not entirely representative of the culture, and played to stereotypes that the world has of them. London has a deep and rich culture beyond the Beatles, buses, and Becks. With their participation in the Olympics, they have a chance to demonstrate to the world the best things of their culture, and hopefully in 2012 they go beyond pop culture.

Of course, their sad bit probably results from the difficulty that the United Kingdom has had in defining itself as a political state. Wales, Ireland (both of them...), Scotland and England, though in some ways politically united, remain separate cultural entities, and this is reflected in the city of London. London is an incredibly diverse city. It has welcomed immigrants from all over the world, yet is a bastion of English history and culture. Holding on to national culture and pride while embracing the people of the world is not impossible, but London is faltering. They pander to the multi-culturalist secular religion, and have lost the plot when it comes to maintaining their rich and beautiful Christian heritage. London is post-Christian, and the secularism that has enveloped Europe and the Isles is now the prevailing ideology. Christianity is still a prevalent cultural institution, however; Bishops of the Anglican Church still sit in the House of Lords, the monarchs are crowned by the clergy, churches and memorials still dominate the landscape, though now most are functionally museums and serve only marginally as places of worship. London, and the UK at large, presents itself badly to the world because it cannot define itself in any meaningful way.

Let's hope that by 2012, they will show us what they have to offer.

2008-08-23T21:31:00.002-07:00

So I am at my grandparents' house now. Things are slow, but that's okay. I need to try to take some of this time to get my mind in gear for school, and to finish my assignment for Ecclesiology (read all of Minear! spend 4-6 hours reading the Bible and thinking about the Church! 1000 words on your ecclesiology!), and to visit with my lovely family.

I will take pictures and post them when I get back (hopefully).

Hopefully we'll get a picture of the cousins, sans Martin. It's been a long time since we've all been together.

And, um, that's all I've got for now. I am tired (thanks, Dad, for waking me up at 6.00 this morning...) and should go to bed.

Sorry for a lame post. Maybe next time it will be philosophical.

Pictures of Reflection and Movement

2008-08-22T12:54:00.004-07:00

Check out my friend Scotland Huber's blog. He is a great photographer and he posts some of his photos here.

Keep up the good work, Scotland!

NOTE: The link in the sidebar has been corrected. It will work now!

2008-08-21T15:07:00.001-07:00

I am really looking forward to the day that I don't have to pack up all my ish and move it every four months.

Going to Pennsylvania

2008-08-16T15:35:00.002-07:00

These are pretty bad photos, but they are of people I love! Daniel, Elizabeth, and Nonna are going away to Pennsylvania for seminary. YES!

The bad part is they are leaving on MONDAY and only got official confirmation on FRIDAY that they were going.

I am so glad for them, and thankful that they are in our lives, but upset at the suddenness of their departure. I went to high school with Daniel, was friends with his brother. Daniel and Elizabeth are my brother's godparents, and Nonna is my godsister. They are wonderful people and I love them! So I am sad to see them leave, but happy for them.

Plus, it almost guarantees that I will be in the Philadelphia area sometime in the next year, and then I can visit Oxford friends too.

But Daniel, Elizabeth, and Nonna - I will miss them a lot and am sad to say goodbye to quickly.

slavery is freedom

2008-08-15T18:39:00.003-07:00

While killing time before I leave to go to Shannon's Going-Away Party

[sadness, sadness, sadness], I checked my e-mail and got an awesome link from my mom [THANKS MOM]. Here it is:

The Orwell Diaries

That's right, ladies and gents. For a limited time, George Orwell's diaries will be posted, blog style, on that website.

Of course, thus far his diaries consist of horticultural and geological observations. But hopefully we'll get something interesting going soon. Although frankly, Orwell can write about most anything and I'll read it. Case in point: His essay "In Defence of English Cooking," which is a necessary work of literature. I am still not convinced that bangers and mash with mushy peas is the ideal supper.

In any case, I am a huge George Orwell fan. I was watching The History Boys today (which I didn't really like) and in one scene (where Hector is crying) there is a portrait of George Orwell on the wall behind him. I thought to myself, 'I should put up a portrait of Orwell in my house. Or at least near my desk, so I can always be sure to write well.' If you've never read any of Orwell's essays, do. 'Why I Write' and 'Politics and the English Language' are two of my favorite essays, and 'Such, Such Were the Joys' and 'Shooting an Elephant' are literary classics.

I don't think he ever really shot the elephant, though. He is a lucid nonfiction writer, and a brilliantly creative fiction writer, and acutely aware of sociological and political situations. He is adept at communicating such situations, and I think that in 'Shooting an Elephant' he adapts his skills as a fiction writer to a nonfiction genre in order to highlight the real difficulties and discomforts of being the face of an empire to a reluctant but dependent subject.

Um, so yeah. Oh, and do yourselves a favor and read some of his other novels - like The Road to Wigan Pier and Down and Out in Paris and London - in addition to the classic 1984 and Animal Farm. I've also heard good things about Keep the Aspidistra Flying but I have not read it.

The History Boys was kind of a disappointment. I'd seen the end already but it hadn't made any sense because I had no idea what was going on before. It's like Dead Poets Society but without a truly charismatic teacher-figure (except maybe de la Tour's character, but she was more minor). Robin William's character in DPS was flawed, yes, but not in the kinds of ways all of the male role models in this film were. Think of it as DPS with less story line and more pederasty.

So don't see The History Boys and read Orwell instead!

2008-08-12T13:04:00.002-07:00

I wish I had something cool going on here... But I got nothing. My parents are out of town, but there are already 9348593045 parties going on this week/weekend, so it would be kind of dumb to invite people over. If you want to come and watch Sweeney Todd with Katie and I, you are more than welcome. That would be tonight.

Hmmm, I've been reading some short stories by Alexander Solzhenitsyn, and when I am done with those, I need to read something else. I can't decides if I want to give Brideshead Revisited another shot, or try another Solzhenitsyn, or try to put a small dent in my reading for this semester. I suppose I should try to do something that I can accomplish.

I am excited about my classes for this next semester. I am taking a class on Modernism in Literature, and also Creative Writing Poetry, and an honors class on Ecclesiology. It's going to be a LOT of work and reading and whatnot, but I am looking forward to it.

Back to work!

The Figs

2008-08-07T19:20:00.001-07:00

Young women doing kick-ass bluegrass. Ha I should write a poem or something. No. Listen to The Figs. My new musical obsession. It makes me want to learn the mandolin.

2008-07-31T22:26:00.002-07:00

Oh I just had a cool tattoo idea.

"Lord have mercy" in Arabic.

Okay, maybe not so cool. But maybe it is?

2008-07-26T03:20:00.002-07:00

Brianna gave me some seriously good advice tonight. I should try to define some goals, long term and short term, and find productive things to do with my time. When I am in school this is easy. When I am out of school it is much more difficult.

I am embarrassed about not having any real career or life goals. Like, by now at least most people are like, 'Oh, I want to do something in such and such a field', or 'I've been thinking about doing thus and so.' I have nothing of that sort. I have few motivations, no serious long-term goals for my life.

Gosh what a loser. I just wish it were obvious what I should be doing. But honestly, there is nothing that I really WANT to do.

What a loser.

2008-07-21T20:35:00.000-07:00

Reader Abraham waved at me during the Epistle reading today in liturgy.

??????????

2008-07-21T00:05:00.001-07:00

2008-07-19T00:24:00.002-07:00

I really want to update something here, but it would only be whiney, complainy, and obnoxiously ambiguous. So let's just do this the easy way. I am tired of summer and want to go back to school. Riverside is mostly kind of lonely. The boy situation sucks major. And I wish I were a better person.

Pretty much sums up my life right now. Just trying to be joyful instead of sad for no reason.

My tummy hurts. Boo.

The last few days (since Wednesday) have been pretty crummy. The weekend is looking up, though. Up up up!

2008-07-16T16:46:00.002-07:00

So I am thinking of going to England over interterm again this year.

I'd want to stay at least a week, but two weeks is too much.

Airfare on Orbitz, for now, is about $950-1000. That's a lot of money that I don't really have yet. But I'd love to take this trip. I would want to go to the monastery for at least a week, and then Oxford and London. 10-14 days. January.

Keeping my fingers crossed, this will work out. By November, airfare prices should come down. I would need a plane ticket and train tickets to and from places. Probably not a BritRail pass. I can make my way around on the cheap for sure. I even could probably get a ride from some people in London to the monastery, which saves like $60.

Ooooh I want to go back so badly! I love that place!

2008-07-16T09:54:00.002-07:00

I am at the church office.

It smells like B.O. in here. So I turned on the air conditioner.

And there was a letter in the mail addressed to a one "Miss Andrew Church."

I don't really think I'm in for anything good today...

2008-07-13T19:19:00.002-07:00

I was mixing it up on the iPod the other day, and came across this little gem under 'Death Cab for Cutie':

Death Cab covering Bjork's 'All Is Full of Love'.

It's pretty much the ish, and is kind of rocking my world right now.

You'll be given love, you'll be taken care of
You'll be given love, you have to trust it

Maybe not from the sources you have poured yours
Maybe not from the directions you are staring at

Twist your head around, it's all around you
All is full of love, all around you

All is full of love
You just ain't receiving
All is full of love
Your phone is off the hook
All is full of love
Your doors are all shut
All is full of love