Reflections on Matrimony and Christ's Love

Today I went to Rob & Robin Schannep's wedding. It was so lovely! They had it at the Fullerton Arboretum, which was probably the best place possible to have an outdoor wedding. The ceremony was short and sweet, and much different than an Orthodox wedding. But the whole thing, ceremony and reception, had so many sweet and personal touches. They selected Scripture readings which are typical for weddings.

The one that particularly got me thinking was from Ephesians 5:

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Sometimes it takes seeing two people intensely in love to convey, in some small aspect, Christ's deep abiding love for His Bride, the Church. You see how they are willing to give themselves up entirely for one another, which is exactly what Christ has done for us. As the Paschal season comes to a close, I have been reflecting on the whole Lenten and Paschal cycle, especially as I experienced it this year. By no means was it a perfect or easy thing - even beyond the normal difficulties of Lent. Being away from home and everything that I knew to be familiar, being pulled here and there by temptations, I often doubted God's love. With each failing, I continued to beat up on myself, kick myself while I was already down. When I returned from Madrid to England, I went right away to vigil since it was a Saturday night, and it was the Palm Sunday vigil. I was standing in the back, wearing my dirty traveling clothes, wondering where the time had gone. 40 days had passed - what had I done with them? Thoughts of doubt slowly consumed my mind, until I got to the one question that had really been lurking and was just manifesting itself.

Does God even love me?

And then, as the priest and deacon were about to sing the magnifications in the Matins, I looked up at the icon of Christ on the iconostas, and heard the hymnody about His condescension to ride on a donkey, entering Jerusalem to the cries of those whose voices would later condemn Him. In an instant I was hit with the reality of His incarnation and voluntary passion. And I heard in my heart these words:

Of course I love you. Why would I do all of this if I didn't?

In that moment, everything was right again. I was sorry for my sins, ashamed of my failings, and yet the doubt of God's love vanished. I think that moment helped me to understand this verse better:

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

I do not neglect to acknowledge the reality of God's judgment. But Christ came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am chief. This is the goal of each Christian, each human being: to be united to Christ, which is only possible if He is cleanses us and presents us to Himself without spot or blemish, holy and whole. In Ephesians, Paul explains the mystery of Christ and the Church as mutual sacrifice. The wife submits to her husband, sacrificing her own will to his. The husband is concerned with the sanctification of his wife, not with the things pertaining to his own life. Christ gave Himself up for us, and we are to give ourselves up to him. This is the principle for all human interaction, and the primary fulfillment of the commandment of Love, on which hangs all the Law and the Prophets. Christ performed the most loving act, by becoming a man, dying, and rising again. For we are cleansed and sanctified 'by the washing of water with the word', and it is through baptism that we are united to His death and resurrection.

So, as the Paschal season comes to a close this week, so bittersweet, it is good to carry with us the remembrance of His love which extends to us indefinitely, and which we, who have been given so many abundant gifts, ought to reciprocate as best as we can, pathetic and hardly mentionable though our efforts be. Love God. Love your neighbor. Repent of your sins. And I speak to myself more than anyone.

'My child, you should desire nothing more than the love of God.' - Elder Philotheos (Zervakos)