23 December 2008

So, since it is the end of the year, I ought to take time to reflect on the last year.

Of course, I could give a laundry list of people, places, and things, but that would be beside the point. Reflection, not mere recollection, is the goal.

However, in the last few weeks, I have been trying to make sense of the events of the last year. I've tried to find some sort of logic or pattern to things. Why was Oxford so wonderful, yet so difficult? Summertime...I'd probably need a flow chart to understand what was going on there. Then there was this semester. Why did I do poorly? I mean, I didn't fail anything. Everything was pretty much half-assed, but I could hardly bring myself to do much better than that. Yet, even at a bit of distance from it, I still can't understand what caused this great difficulty.

But I think that is just the thing. I can't understand why things went the way that they did. For now, I am glad to be done with this semester, and with this year, and to move forward toward graduation and whatever is waiting for me afterwards. And in trying to make sense of it, the principle that life doesn't always make sense is reinforced. Usually that kind of understanding comes when something horrible and tragic happens. I've been there multiple times before, but this was more like a gentle reminder.

Well, I suppose this is a different kind of 'things don't make sense.' It wasn't like external circumstances were particularly influential. My internal motivation and behavior is what is incomprehensible to me. Why did I do that? What was I thinking?

Here's to lessons learned, and continuing to push forward.

I am looking forward to...
Liturgy in 10 hours.
baking and baking and baking tomorrow.
a nap.
Christmas liturgy!
Opening presents.
Going to Disneyland.
Going to the college conference.
New Year's with Bettina & co.
Twelfth Night Party at my house in La Mirada. Be there, or be square.

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