Scattered thoughts

As I was driving somewhere, or home from somewhere (though I suppose home is a somewhere), I was thinking about a friend who has a very specific hurt in her life, which she has allowed me to see intimately. When I realized the depth of her pain, my sadness for her became deeper too.

I was talking with a new friend about eight months ago about her experiences living and working at an orphanage in Mexico, and the great empathy and care that the boys had for her when someone very close to her, but geographically distant, passed away. As she experienced this loss and grief and sadness, she said that the best thing anyone said to her was not "I know how you feel" or "I can sympathize," but "I am sad that you are sad."

I was also thinking about how it always seems that someone else has something we want. It's very hard when there is just one thing that you want more than anything else in your life, and it seems like everyone around you has it, but you don't. I mean, it's not like it's a new car (or an iPhone!) or something like that, but part of your life that you strive after, when you want something that is categorically a good thing and you don't have it. Just keep moving forward, I guess, and try not to think about it too much?

And I am very sad to be leaving Riverside. I am very happy to be going to San Francisco, but perhaps just Sunday I realized that I can't take everyone with me. I can't take St. Andrew's with me, I can't take my family or my closest friends or my goddaughter. Really, if I wanted to, I could stay. No one is making me go. I could stay and be very satisfied. But I'm going. I don't know what's going to happen, but I am pretty sure it's going to be awesome.

Just today I look at myself and my life and wish it could be different in 400 ways. I want to stay, but I need a change. That's probably really immature. I want change and stability simultaneously.

Okay too much ranting. Big life changes always seem to precipitate a pensive mood.